Tuesday, September 26, 2017

And then there were two....

Sometime on the morning September 24th Kelley Florman put a needle in his arm for the last time.  This was his favorite post of all my blogs he was one of my best friends. I could have just as easily been me dead in some abandoned building but I'm glad it wasn't and I hope to live a long, happy life and to think of Kelley often during it.  

I was writing this blog just before Kelley and I both turned 50.  It was occurring to me then how important it was to look after my health.  

So without further ado my self written obituary,  Kelley Florman's favorite post. For you, old Bean!
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Blog posts hint at trouble ahead for dead comic.


By Vernon A. Guidry, III - Staff Reporter 

New Orleans, LA March 18, 2014

The 2013 blog postings of recently deceased, failed comic, Skip Guidry were re- published today.  The blog "Half the man I used to be" at www.skipguidry.com, was a combination weight loss diary and self righteous vegan rant.  Taken down shortly after the would-be comedian's death.  It was relaunched today under the title "Sign posts on the road to disaster".

Skip Guidry
1964 - 2013
Skip Guidry, an unemployed, self styled stand up comedian was found dead in the early morning hours of July 3rd 2013, he was 49.  He was discovered in his apartment an apparent overdose of banned diet pills and fast food.

"This blog is an obvious cry for help" Said Dr. Janice Strong, a psychiatrist who treated Guidry at the VA hospital in New Orleans.  "The signs were all there"

"I could tell he was scrugglin" said Justin Kincaid, long time friend and contemporary of Guidry on the bottom rung of the comedy ladder. "It's all that vegan crap that killed him, the stupid fat fuck" insisted Kincaid "I'll be at the Chuckle Hole in River Bend, NC this Friday" Continued Kincaid, inappropriately.

"I used to click on the page a few times to inflate the page view stats, you know to make him feel better" said an old friend of Guidry's Kelley Florman.  "I guess I should have actually read it"

Paramedics at the scene reported that there was literally writing on the wall.

"He had written BACONATOR in grease on the wall next to him" Said responding EMT Randy Magnum  Mr Magnum is suing the meager Guidry estate seeking compensation for a back injury sustained while attempting to load Guidry on to the gurney. "The fat ones are always on the third floor" Whined Magnum.

"Judging from the empty pill bottles and fast food wrappers in the apartment I'd say he ODed on knock off Trim Spa shipped illegally from Mexico.  That and  a ton of burgers from Wendys" Stated NOPD Detective Chance Boudreaux .  No foul play is suspected. 

A book deal for the blog posts is in the works reports a source close to the dead comic.  

Guidry's 3 ex-wives declined to comment for this article.

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That easily could have happened.   Glad it didn't.