Standing room only

My roommate, the one who made the comment "you know for a White Guy you make pretty good Kool-Aid". (I'm reminding you that he's black without saying my black roommate) 

I asked him if it offended him that one of the White counselors sometimes lapsed into ebonics durring our classes.

It struck me as condesending and offensive but I don't really have standing to make that call.  So I asked my black roomie, my buddy, my bru-tha if he found it offensive.

His responce put me in my place immediately.  He said "Does it bother me? No more so than when you do it."

Oh snap!  Hoe lee shit.  See here it was I thought I had standing, that I was cool and was some how authorized to speak "jive" but the truth was I was not.  My occasional dipping into the ebonics pool could absolutely come across as condescending and offensive. 

Even though I'm not in an authority position like the counselor it is still offensive because I don't have standing.   I'm not trying to mitigate my culpability by differentiating our relative  positions namely that I'm a roommate and peer and the other guy's a counselor.  I was wrong.  I'm a middle aged white guy from the suburbs, I do not have standing to talk in ghetto slang... I do not have standing, Period.

Standing is one of my favorite words.  Not to be upright in position... "standing"...rather:

Standing: noun - Authority, position, status, rank or reputation, credibility.

"their standing in the community"

2. remaining in force,  perpetual, everlasting,
continuing, abiding,
 indefinite

"he has a standing invitation to visit them"
I really like the word "stand" too as in endure,  "built to stand the test of time"

But I digress, more variations on the "stand" theme later... back to... standing which is a personal thing to me.  Very few people have standing in my life to give me advice or more pointedly... on one hand can be counted those whose opinion about which I could give two shits.

Standing can be a big thing or can be a little thing.  Situational, contextual  standing is something that is ever changing and happens every day.  People who take my tour for example have standing to critique my performance.  In fact that's their job and my job was to provide an enjoyable experience,  only they have standing to judge whether or not I have achieved that.

Jerry Seinfeld nailed it perfectly in his documentary Comedian.  Jerry is by any measure insanely successful as a comic... ironicly even he doesn't get to decide what is funny... 50 drunks in a New York basement at 1:30a.m. decide what's funny.  If Jerry Seinfeld says something and those people don't laugh, what Jerry Seinfeld said is not funny.  By definition it is not funny...they have standing to decide what's funny.    In that context, by their visceral reaction only... not as a thinking, debating jury but laugh/don't  pass/fail those people are a better barometer of funny than Jerry Seinfeld.  Outside of that narrow context the audience has no comedy judgement standing at all.  And individual members of the group never have standing.

Recovery from addiction is an area with some very strong situational context. That's one of the reasons 12-step programs work, because the therapeutic value of one addict helping another is without parallel.  Addiction survivors/recoverers have standing with each other.   Their hard won experience gives them credibility.

Even so I  personally find it hard to recognize the standing of most people when it comes to me.   A malady in recovery known as " terminal uniqueness".

Standing is earned, won, and achieved.  It can't be bought It can't be borrowed.  

Finding people with personal standing in recovery is basically life and death.  If you don't have trust and faith that the people who are guiding you are capable and confident all is lost.

So I seek out others who have the qualities that indicate they are capable and competent.  I'm looking for those with whom I can make a stand.

Another great word that goes along with stand and standing... is

"understanding"

It is as if to say that if you and I have credibility, status and authority recognizable in each other we can come to an agreement through which we can endure, bear, put up with, tolerate, abide, support, or countenance pretty much anything.

Another way to say all that is if we have standing we can find understanding and stand together and there by withstand anything.

So I'm going to try to understand rather than demand to be understood earn standing with those around me by

 not assuming I have standing already.  Remember I'm just an addict and not special... well maybe a little special.  But most of all I will drop the ghetto slang

 talk less someone break they foot off in my ass.