Drugs are bad, um kay?

Here's the straight dope kids; Uncle Skippy will never lie to you.   The secret truth of the universe is... using drugs can be fucking amazing.

I have done just about every drug there is to do.  From beer to heroin, I have pretty much tried it all.

Aside from smoking tarantula venom and a toxin you lick off actual living frogs I'm pretty secure in saying I've ingested and experienced every commonly known legal and illegal substance used on the planet to alter mood or mind.

And I'll tell you this... if I hadn't stumbled upon the one substance for which I was engineered;  the one perfect drug for me.... I could have taken or left the whole "drug thing"  without a second thought.

Drugs weren't a problem, they were a solution.  Tired? There's a drug for that.  Sad? There's a drug for that.  Need to sleep, there's a drug for that.  Want to know the secret truth of the universe... Well there's definitely a drug for that.

I could have dabbled a little, had fun and gone on my merry way;  Never going to rehab, never had a problem.  And if my aunt had a dick she'd be my uncle, right?

In Eckhart Tolle's The power of now he describes the reason he wrote the book.  He had an amazing experience.  He was suicidally depressed and miserable.  Then one day he had a flash of insight which allowed him to change the narrative within his own brain.  It stopped his thoughts and he attained a moment of peace within himself.  This peace lasted him months and it met all his needs.  He focused this ability, honed it and then he spent years sitting on a park bench completely content; not a care in the world, no worries, no work... no nothing he just existed because all his needs were met.

I know what he was talking about.  That feeling, that peace, that total contentment, all needs being met and the nagging voice of doubt in my head gone completely... it happened to me... the first time I smoked cocaine.

The relief did not last months however; it lasted moments.  But in those moments I knew a peace I had never experienced in my life.

I had never been completely and utterly content before.  But then as in a nightmare, almost as quickly is it came the feeling begin to fade, and as it faded, the depression, pain and suffering filled in the space it left; like a tide  coming in over a dry sandy beach.

Before I could turn around... the peaceful calm, the contentment...was gone and I was ankle-deep in pain, confusion and depression worse than before. 

Actually the pain was even stronger than it had been before the temporary relief of the drug.  Now the need to remove the pain, to return to the calm and peaceful beach... became more desperate than ever.

But that was okay; now  I knew how to get to that beach, my body knew,  my brain new exactly how to make the tide roll out... smoke more cocaine.

So I did. I got back to the beach, but it was not the same.  There was still a little bit of water between my toes and it wasn't as calm... it wasn't as peaceful as I remembered... the pain was mostly gone and it was better but it wasn't the wonderful feeling I had had.... I obviously hadn't done enough cocaine.  I have to try this again ....oh God no... here comes the pain.... its coming right back... how can that be? It's an only been a few seconds.

In that instant I became an addict. And that addiction has haunted, hobbled and confounded me for the better part of 20 years.

I have fought it every way one can.  

Rehab ... relegion... 12 steps... I've read... prayed... meditated...medicated... faked it till I made it... yet it always resurfaced.

Addiction is evil, is the devil, is your mind turned against you, a parasite in your brain, a horrible dangerous life threatening thing.

Drugs are a mine field; you don't know where the bombs are... you don't know if you're susceptible or not. If you are a person prone to addiction and you try drugs it's like playing Russian roulette.

Truth is every time you try any mind altering mood changing substance you run the risk of finding the thing that enslaves you.

That risk is also what makes drugs sexy.  What makes smoking sexy, motorcycles, surfing, skydiving and bull riding sexy...the risk.

But the risk with drugs is horrifying... The risk is slavery, degradation, jails, institutions and death.

I was freed once. I knew.  I was "woke" and still returned to slavery.  Kanye West got it right.  My slavery was a choice.

So now I have all the problems I had before plus an addiction.

Today I fight a daily battle against a return to slavery.  Now every day clean is a day won.

My drug solution is now only a drug problem.  It succeeded in pausing my pain briefly but then caused way more trouble on the way out.

I see it all very differently now. And as I promised at the beginning I will never lie to you.  I leave you with two absolute truths:

1. Addiction is bad; m'kay?

2. Never trust white men in a boat.